A lot of people don't understand...
I am currently grieving for the loss of my marriage and my husband.. and my life as I knew it. Yes he hit me. Yes I know its wrong. No I am not justifying it. But being hit doesn't wipe the slate clean on your heart and mind. It doesn't get rid of the emotions, the concern, the happy memories. Its a hard thing that in 5 minutes your marriage, your husband, his career and your entire way of life is dissolved. Not only now am I living at my parents house. Joe lost his job. He lost his career. He lost his financial income to support Kennedy. To give her a place to live. To take her out to get ice cream. To be able to drive her places. I've lost my husband. My home. My marriage. My daily routine..
Its different grieving over something and someone who are still alive.In some sense it makes it harder. You still see the people. You still interact. You see them hurting. Its almost worse than never seeing them again. But grieving and mourning really are the only appropriate terms for it. Its a loss. Its a hard loss. No matter what state our marriage was in, how happy or unhappy it was.. to have it taken away instantly and your entire universe flipped upside down really is a death in some ways. A new beginning is born.. but a death still the same.
I have been trying to enjoy life still. Trying to do things that keep me busy. Keep my mind entertained. Change Kennedy's train of though when she says 'Mommy I wanna go home' or 'Mommy I miss our house' Its tough. I have to be strong and there for Kennedy. I have to make sure we can move on. That's what Momma does. Joe made a bad choice. But he's still Kennedy's dad. I still want the best for him because I still care. He will FOREVER be in Kennedy's life. I want him to be the very best example he can be for her. No matter what occurred between him and I, he is still her father and I want her to be happy when she's with her dad.
So as the grieving process moves on so do we. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One tear at a time and one smile at a time.
This will be our new blog. Our rebirth from the ashes and our new lives. Wish us luck cause the ride just started! YeeHaw!
I am so sorry Jess! I am here for you if you need me. You are a strong lady and you teach your precious little girl so many good things. You will make your life good and what you deserve! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry .... :( Hang in there ... things will get better!!!
ReplyDeleteI can understand a little bit, and I'm so very sorry for your loss (because it truly is). It is a terrible cycle of emotions from being angry, hurt, sad, and so many other things. But you are an amazing Momma (and woman) and have a darling daughter. Keep treading that water, because I promise it gets better, even though it doesn't feel like it. call me anytime day or night.
ReplyDeleteI am heartbroken to hear about all that you are going through. I can't even imagine how difficult the situation must be. You are so strong, and Kennedy is lucky to have you as her mom. Her rock.
ReplyDeleteIt takes an amazing amount of courage to walk away from a situation like that, and I am so proud of you.
I know that it has been a long time since we've seen each other, but I'm still your friend and I am here for you if you need someone to talk to.
Keep your head up, and try to smile often. Things will all work out in the end, and the journey will make you stronger.